A full day!

bought these shoes a couple weeks ago after eyeing them for a couple months.i sleep with them next to my bed, possibly because I'm a messy slob, possibly because I love them so much.


peter gets nervous when I wield carving tools.

Most days I'm in a generally bad mood. Being depressed does that.

Lately I've been feeling a bit more spirited. Had set my alarm this morning for 8.30 because I had an appointment with psychiatrist. Woke up to a voicemail which google couldn't transcribe and when I listened to it, was just a bunch of clicks. Frustrated and anxious, I called the number back and was informed my appointment was cancelled. Simultaneously annoyed and relieved. Lazed around til noon or so then met up with Peter who had generously bought me coffee after I gave him confusing instructions about what I wanted. Walked up to the studio with him to work on my ugly (but it's something!) linocut. Walked around enough today I have a blister on my foot. Did enough art I have a blister on my finger. Listened to a bunch of music (including a new song I discovered--Hush Hush by Airliner [see GS widget below]). Stopped by the grocery on the way home, got in around 10. Made and ate a delicious croissant sandwich (turkey, havarti, pesto and spinach). Watched an incredible Youtube video of a guy getting into a car.

Now about to watch the season 4 finale of Gossip Girl (also today "fake" photos of Blake Lively were leaked! (: (: )

Essentially I've been practicing a few tricks for better living:

have a couple friends who do stuff with you
take yr meds
buy a pair of nice shoes
don't forget to caffeinate
eat at least once a day (twice or even more than that is preferable, but let's be realistic)
L-bomb a cute nice boy when you're Ambien-tripping.

doghouses

hi.

my name is Sarah Trent ™.

today i am writing a blorg post because i am simultaneously stoned and energized. this is good energy that must be directed towards a worthy task and not wasted! therefore, this post is coming into being, like Adonis coming into Venus and splashing his semen all over their celestial bed, creating the stars. then she gave birth to their violent, flaming, illuminating, life-giving but inevitably dark star of doom, the sun. that is this blog post.
so...where to begin?
well, in the beginning. the first human of higher consciousness to draw breath was my grandmother, rosa. the dawn of time found her coughing and crying and clearing her lungs, a babe on the African plain. she cut her teeth and dried behind her ears and amassed fortunes through the passage of the ages. this was eons ago. she is now a fragile and delicate example of youth long past.

two days ago she broke her leg. she was taken to the village of the Smocks and Scrubs, where she will be attended to for several weeks. no one knows what will become of themselves. this is the way of things.

i visited my parents and hometown over the past few days. it is still a place i do not want to live. it is still a place they want to live. it was for business that i visited, and i think my objective was accomplished.

this required me to drive, which means that it required me to have a panic attack for the 3 hours there and the 3 hours back, as well as the 36 hours in advance of each trip. somehow, i came through it and lived another day to further gently indent my mattress.

the best part was seeing my doggie zj!!! i love him. he loves me. i like to clutch him by his wiry fur and hold him close to me. he tries to wriggle away and usually wins.

the worst part was realizing that my old dad knows more about computers than i do. i now need a newer, better computer. it has to have all of the technical aspects that make it a superior machine. it must support my life activities without fail or reticence.

speaking of which, cityville and i have cooled our relationship for each other a bit. currently, my main focus there is replacing ugly orange building with pretty pink ones. destroy the partriarchy!

mostly, i am building a virtual doghouse for virtual zj in minecraft. see the photos below.
speaking of houses, it seemed that a move for me was imminent, but i think it has been delayed, at least for a bit. this is good, because it seems that a suitable castle for my (and bev's) dwelling has not been constructed yet. apparently, the earth has yet to produce a rock pink enough to make the walls out of. this is annoying, but i try to not let it get to me, since it looks like it could take a while and i'd rather not be annoyed for millions of years.

today my head hurts. you know the fire retardant systems that automatically fill all of the rooms and halls with a non-flammable foam? that is what my head is doing to my sinuses and nasal cavities/passages now. its doing it SO HARD that the muscles above and behind my ears actually hurt. this is absurd. i am currently taking drugs to aggressively counteract my body's natural defensive processes. i am taking them so aggressively that yesterday one oblong pill flipped sideways going down my throat. this caught my attention.

anyway, i now have to hold an important video-conference with my bff. we are going to talk about important topics and secretly think to ourselves how cute the other is. thanks for reading!

bai!

minecraft and other stuff

dreams
cleaning
minecraft

I fell asleep last night at around 3 or 4? a.m. after several rousing hours of Minecraft (more on this later). I woke up at about 1, exhausted, and took my Adderall (more on THIS later too) and then laid in bed for about another hour trying to get myself to actually WAKE up. All day I've been having pieces of my dreams come back to me.

In my dream I was hanging out with some friends and there was a girl who I thought seemed so cool, but also kind of sketchy--she was very 90's apathetic but I suspected she was probably on drugs and not to be trusted. She proved me right when she offered to smoke me out on METH. And I accepted! Wtf. It was in a joint, not a pipe, which I don't even know is possible or not but I wanted to "be cool" too and honestly was just curious to try something new. It was great! I felt euphoric, everything was interesting and I was amped. I felt guilty too though, because meth sounds so scary but I'm guessing my dream was inspired by my Adderall prescription. Now that I think of it, a lot of my dream seems Adderall related ...

Another dream, I don't know if it's part of the previous one or not I'm only remembering bits here and there, I was with two girls who were cute and tiny. They weren't little people-tiny but just really petite girls, probably about my age and maybe Asian. For whatever reason the topic of weight was being discussed and they were reluctant but good spiritedly revealing how much they weigh. They seemed about my height (5'2") maybe 5' at the shortest and the larger of the two girls said she weighed 105 lbs. I think in real life she would've weighed 110-115. The other girl was second to answer and did look smaller but she said she weighed 70 lbs or something! LIE. In my dream it wasn't a lie though, and I just felt jealousy and longing. Maybe she was 5 feet tall and weighed like 95 pounds but 70 is nuts. However one of my favorite things about dreaming is that logic kinda gets transposed and wacky.

Can't remember more of the dreams, but I might later.

As I said, I took Adderall today. My psychiatrist gave me a prescription a few days ago and it is helping me do things. I have a problem with motivation which I've talked about numerous times with therapist. I feel guilty because I just feel lazy, and she said that lazy is really the same thing as being unmotivated and is often part of being depressed. Lazy has such bad connotations though, so I guess I've been trying to 1) berate myself for being lazy or 2) convince myself it's not laziness and it's something else. Self-criticism is surely important but it's so far proved useless to actually changing anything about my lazy tendencies.

feel lazy=don't do anything=feel guilty about it=feel lazier=do even less ...

But I digest.

Today I've gotten a lot of houseworky type things done. This is what my To Do list looks like:
Dishes
Clean out fridge
Clean bathroom
Take shower
Clean living room
Take out garbage
Make table bigger for sewing (ie, put a leaf or two in it)
Dust
Vacuum
Laundry

Last thing to mention is MINECRAFT. God, this game is wonderful. Peter has been playing for awhile, and I know he's talked about it to me and even showed it to me once on his computer. I wasn't particularly interested. I have been playing Cityville on Facebook a lot lately but getting frustrated with its "money-grubbing" tactics and social aspect. I don't wanna have to have "neighbors" in order to complete goals! I've already conned as many friends as I can into playing Cityville and I feel kind of dumb about it, because honestly it's kind of a dumb game.

But MINECRAFT! Yes!

It's so great. I spent the first bit of time exploring my world, punching animals and trees and now have gotten to the point where I'm mining obsidian with a diamond pickaxe.

Also I think I should mention I have Jeremy (not Frank) to thank for introducing me to the genius delight that it is. Here is a video of a cannon built to shoot animals into space--amazing!!

Tonight Michael took me to dinner because I is broke and we were getting hungry after a long day of lying around being exhausted. (Oh! I cut Peter's hair, too). Anyway Bev and I went to Broadgay Grill and I ordered the Greek turkey burger which was quite tasty and had a pear vodka tonic. Michael had fish and chips and a raspberry Absolut and Coke, I think.

It's 28 degrees outside right now. The walk to dinner was ridiculously cold and I had to keep switching which hand I was using to hold my cigarette (alternating which hand got to be warm in my coat pocket). During dinner we discussed Millard Drexler, CEO of J. Crew and if he was married or not, and if he was, it's probably to an old socialite who organizes fundraisers and takes a lot of painkillers and Valium. Her name is probably Caroline Ruth Drexler and their kid's probably named "Montauk." On the way home we started thinking about retail/designer partnerships we'd like to see. This was because I mentioned that I'd seen Hurley and Pendleton partner up which resulted in some pretty cool things:





Anyway, the make-believe partnerships:
Vans and Lane Bryant
Talbots and Gareth Pugh

... I'm sure there a lot more genius partnerships out there.

An ending note on Millard "Mickey" Drexler:
I was trying to find out what his wife's name actually is, and found this article which states that he dresses casually, never in a suit and never a tie. Well sir, I'm pretty sure ascots fall under the category of ties.

to do:

direct deposit stuff
hook up printer to computer in living room

write thank you's to:
mom and dad
grandma
uncle page and aunt glessie

spray 'n' wash

throw away stuff i don't need

sew quilt cover for electric blanket

dishes

vacuum and sweep

clean bathroom

this is what i'm listening to:

PIF's

PIF's, like PSA's (Public Service Announcements) were ads used to educate the public, often about safety awareness issues. Bev sent me a link about "Apaches," a film about six child friends who eventually die (all but one) because they're playing dangerously on farms. The description in the wikipedia article was heinous and got me interested enough to look it up on YouTube. Here's a short excerpt of the article which describes the latter portion of the film *SPOILER ALERT*:

Later, the remaining children are again playing in the fields, and one of them narrowly avoids being run over by a tractor like the first victim. They are chasing each other, pretending to be characters from the television series Starsky and Hutch, when Michael accidentally dislodges a heavy iron gate and Robert is crushed beneath it. The camera focuses on the shocked expressions of the other two children as they watch the lifeless body, blood streaming from the ear, as more people arrive for the party.

After watching that horrifying scene on YouTube, it was "suggested" by the sidebar that I watch this next film, which naturally has a drum'n'bass remix and a "rave" remix.







Wikipedia article on "Apaches"
Apaches 1977 Full Feature Film

hbd, me

Today's blog is brought to you by a special guest blogger. Its accuracy may or may not be questionable:

hi. my name is Sarah Trent ™. today is my birthday. i am turning/have
turned 25! : )
that means this is a very special web log, and not just because 25 is
also the exact number of times i have been on a roller coaster! (that
may be a lie). there is another reason this post is special, but that
one will be a secret (maybe). and no, it doesn't involve a used panty
give-away.

today for my birthday i laid in bed and smoked hella weed. now to my
close friends (probably you) this may SEEM similar to how i spend
every day. however, the major difference is that TODAY was a huge
improvement over YESTERDAY! by deduction, you may arrive at the
conclusion that yesterday therefore must have sucked. it kind of did.
i will tell you about it briefly before continuing.

i had to go to a big building and tell a scary man about the details
of my life so his employer would give me money. my mother assisted as
best she could, but her faultless honesty can, honestly, be a bit of a
handicap in situations like this. also, the scary man's seating was
arranged to be vertically higher AND behind a wall-like barrier-making
him seem even more remote and distant! i mean, if i am going to have
to be interviewed about my lyfe with a complete stranger the least
they could do is put themselves on a level with me, like maybe on a
couch at a coffee shop while being a cute and charming, slightly
awkwardly shy boy. he didn't do any of this! instead, he sat up in his
Throne of Rudeness and asked myself, my mother and our suit a bunch of
questions about moi. he was not a very good conversationalist for two
reasons:

1., he kept portraying my STRENGTHS as WEAKNESSES! take, for example,
my ability to sleep for ungodly amounts of time and never leave my
apartment. now, one could argue that this would prevent me from having
a job and being a productive member of society, BUT the fact that i am
passed completely out in my bed with my monitor making my face glow
like a sleeping alien means that i am definitely NOT at the video
store forgetting to check in those movies you returned on time
resulting in you having massive late fees, nor am i absent-mindedly
serving you french onion soup that you ordered without cheese causing
your stupid allergic vegan bony ass to die from a constricted throat,
nor am i not rushing to the hospital to operate on your dad's heart
because my beeper going off is giving me a paralyzing panic attack! as
you can plainly see, society is improved for YOU by me NOT having a
job. i look cute. this is what i do from home. don't ask for anything
more.

oh yeah-2., he kept asking me really stupid questions about how NORMAL
LIFE THINGS work! for example, this exchange:
scary man: "ms. trent, do you operate a computer on the internet?"
me: "uh...yes?"
sm: "ok, well, hmmm....(fiddles with his glasses and possibly a laptop
behind his Wall) how do you move an email from your inbox to the
delete cycle bin?"
he was also kind of creepy, asking what kind of photos i have on
facebook. i think he was trolling for n00dz. my bff and i decided
afterwards that he must be completely clueless (in addition to
socially inept) and only became a Bossy Questions Man so that he could
ask people about whatever he wanted to.

anyway, the upshot of this is that i got what i wanted. he tried to
pull a bad cop, good cop move in the end (forgetting the crucial part
which is that this requires TWO SEPERATE PEOPLE) and told me to hold
my chin up as i left. what the fuck does he think i am, the thinker?

anyway, back to my birthday. i've been playing cityville a lot. its a
game on facebook where you can make little cities on the internet and
fictional people in them interact. the results are fairly predictable,
but it saves me the trouble of having to do the same things in real
life, which would really be quite a bother. after that (and listening
to project pat) i took a break to straighten up the place a little bit
so that hermann would have a nice clean place to set the sandwich he
is providing for our dinner. this basically meant just clearing away
the bottles of peroni i was no longer drinking from.

guess what else made today special: i was read POETRY, hoe! that's
right. AND, it was read by the author, who just happens to look like
the product of guy pearce and brad pitt having a love child, but
without all the genetic defects would be the end result of
y-chromosome pregnancy.

the author just so happens to be my bff. we also discussed some finer
points of our current favorite dirty southern rappers works and tried
to remember the name of a japanese movie about two girls who have a
comedic friendship and special powers (possibly). oh and what
percentage of the overall tastiness/success of a carne asada burrito
is attributable to the seasoning. obviously, my bff has everything you
would ever want in a bff!

so, that is everything (mostly) that has occurred here recently or i
am tired of writing. since words are boring here is a photo of my hair
pointing in a direction:

birthday love!
-abey lincolns :)>