hbd, me

Today's blog is brought to you by a special guest blogger. Its accuracy may or may not be questionable:

hi. my name is Sarah Trent ™. today is my birthday. i am turning/have
turned 25! : )
that means this is a very special web log, and not just because 25 is
also the exact number of times i have been on a roller coaster! (that
may be a lie). there is another reason this post is special, but that
one will be a secret (maybe). and no, it doesn't involve a used panty
give-away.

today for my birthday i laid in bed and smoked hella weed. now to my
close friends (probably you) this may SEEM similar to how i spend
every day. however, the major difference is that TODAY was a huge
improvement over YESTERDAY! by deduction, you may arrive at the
conclusion that yesterday therefore must have sucked. it kind of did.
i will tell you about it briefly before continuing.

i had to go to a big building and tell a scary man about the details
of my life so his employer would give me money. my mother assisted as
best she could, but her faultless honesty can, honestly, be a bit of a
handicap in situations like this. also, the scary man's seating was
arranged to be vertically higher AND behind a wall-like barrier-making
him seem even more remote and distant! i mean, if i am going to have
to be interviewed about my lyfe with a complete stranger the least
they could do is put themselves on a level with me, like maybe on a
couch at a coffee shop while being a cute and charming, slightly
awkwardly shy boy. he didn't do any of this! instead, he sat up in his
Throne of Rudeness and asked myself, my mother and our suit a bunch of
questions about moi. he was not a very good conversationalist for two
reasons:

1., he kept portraying my STRENGTHS as WEAKNESSES! take, for example,
my ability to sleep for ungodly amounts of time and never leave my
apartment. now, one could argue that this would prevent me from having
a job and being a productive member of society, BUT the fact that i am
passed completely out in my bed with my monitor making my face glow
like a sleeping alien means that i am definitely NOT at the video
store forgetting to check in those movies you returned on time
resulting in you having massive late fees, nor am i absent-mindedly
serving you french onion soup that you ordered without cheese causing
your stupid allergic vegan bony ass to die from a constricted throat,
nor am i not rushing to the hospital to operate on your dad's heart
because my beeper going off is giving me a paralyzing panic attack! as
you can plainly see, society is improved for YOU by me NOT having a
job. i look cute. this is what i do from home. don't ask for anything
more.

oh yeah-2., he kept asking me really stupid questions about how NORMAL
LIFE THINGS work! for example, this exchange:
scary man: "ms. trent, do you operate a computer on the internet?"
me: "uh...yes?"
sm: "ok, well, hmmm....(fiddles with his glasses and possibly a laptop
behind his Wall) how do you move an email from your inbox to the
delete cycle bin?"
he was also kind of creepy, asking what kind of photos i have on
facebook. i think he was trolling for n00dz. my bff and i decided
afterwards that he must be completely clueless (in addition to
socially inept) and only became a Bossy Questions Man so that he could
ask people about whatever he wanted to.

anyway, the upshot of this is that i got what i wanted. he tried to
pull a bad cop, good cop move in the end (forgetting the crucial part
which is that this requires TWO SEPERATE PEOPLE) and told me to hold
my chin up as i left. what the fuck does he think i am, the thinker?

anyway, back to my birthday. i've been playing cityville a lot. its a
game on facebook where you can make little cities on the internet and
fictional people in them interact. the results are fairly predictable,
but it saves me the trouble of having to do the same things in real
life, which would really be quite a bother. after that (and listening
to project pat) i took a break to straighten up the place a little bit
so that hermann would have a nice clean place to set the sandwich he
is providing for our dinner. this basically meant just clearing away
the bottles of peroni i was no longer drinking from.

guess what else made today special: i was read POETRY, hoe! that's
right. AND, it was read by the author, who just happens to look like
the product of guy pearce and brad pitt having a love child, but
without all the genetic defects would be the end result of
y-chromosome pregnancy.

the author just so happens to be my bff. we also discussed some finer
points of our current favorite dirty southern rappers works and tried
to remember the name of a japanese movie about two girls who have a
comedic friendship and special powers (possibly). oh and what
percentage of the overall tastiness/success of a carne asada burrito
is attributable to the seasoning. obviously, my bff has everything you
would ever want in a bff!

so, that is everything (mostly) that has occurred here recently or i
am tired of writing. since words are boring here is a photo of my hair
pointing in a direction:

birthday love!
-abey lincolns :)>